Old Song

Remember that old song you used to like?
You used to listen to it all the time
You danced to it
You sang along
You memorised the lyrics by heart
You admired it religiously
You could relate,
and never got bored of it

Now that song still exists,
Just no longer in a way you would enjoy

(Why did you turn me to an old song?)

AB – 20.7.17

Ache

You did what you did
and I still ache
no matter how many times I tell myself
you can’t break what’s already broken

I learned that bruises can heal
and I hope you left only bruises
(How low can one be to hope for bruises?)
Instead I found new scars every day
even your ghost threw knives and never missed a spot

You left in peace and caused me chaos
my centre was shaken
my grounds shattered

I thought you can’t break what’s already broken
yet you did what you did
and I still ache

AB – 1.6.17

I only had a heart

Lately I’ve been counting
mostly days,
sometimes words
I wonder how long it will take
for the cold to leave
and how many words it will take
to turn ramblings into books
Sometimes I recount my words
and notice a pattern
that love used to be sunny
now it’s a pile of ice and dirt
And how the sun used to be cheap
available all year long
now it’s a memory
I yet have to overcome

I was once like the sun
shining away radiating love
expecting a smile
upon the face of my earth
My rays burned my heart

and I only had a heart.

AB – 20.04.17

Spring

The spring has come
and the sun stays this time
and the trees are racing
to give birth to new lives
and the flowers they blossom
and the petals greet children
that play with dogs in the park
and it used to be dark
and cold and sad
but now look around
even the earth teaches a lesson
that when one story ends
another one soon begins

The spring has come
and it took me some time
but my leaves are popping
my flowers blooming
and I lived
and survived
and I welcome this season
with the biggest smile I’ve owned
and with love that resides
within me all this time

AB – 26.3.17

Goodbye

I am also fluent in silence.

But I am so angry over the fact that you started this all. I only admired you, for the qualities in you that I wanted to have. But you brought romance to our story. You put this idea in me, that love is not about age or how we look, that it’s more about connecting our differences despite our similarities. You provoked me to feel all this, and you left. You left seeing the smoke from the fire you started. And you came back watching the flame because for you, it’s pretty and miraculous. Then you encouraged me to stay ablaze, only to leave again because you don’t want to deal with this mess.

You created this all but you left. I was so close to ask you to stay but in your silence I found my answer.

I used to send you all the nice wishes and prayers but now, I realise you don’t deserve another word. I’m done. You can go about the way you want to but if one day you came back and no longer found me here, try to remember that I, too, know how to leave.

Goodbye, old friend.

Ode to the Fucked Ups

To those who feel like everyone around

always shatters them down to pieces

they forgot they were once

a beautiful single entity,

To those who always knitted their hearts out

hoping they could warm up something cold

only to find the people they love

keep on using it as a door mat,

To those who keep growing flowers in their garden

hoping the roses will also blossom

in the hearts of their loved ones,

only to find they keep on using it

as their battle field,

To those who seek comfort

at the bottom of funny bottles,

only to find temporary shelters

at times they don’t even remember

who they are,

To those who need to transform themselves

to be someone else

so that they could stop seeing disappointment

as something as normal as running away,

 

Thank you,

for holding on to the tiny pieces

Thank you,

for offering your warmth,

Thank you,

for blooming your flowers,

and for being who you are

And I hope soon you’ll see

how rocky surface of the moon

is still pretty.

 

AB – 28.12.16